The Lord has been enlightening me to the wealths of tools that He has placed at our disposal. The first coming to mind, naturally, being prayer. One of the most basic tools, but undoubtedly the most powerful weapon. Secondly, one that I've always had at my fingertips, but had never quite got my mind around it's powerfulness, namely the Word. "The Word is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joint and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." That's definitely not just your average book!

While on this quest to discover what other resources that have been endowed to us, as the chosen people of the Lord, I came upon the familiar 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 passage: "For tho we walk according to the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish every argument and any lofty opinion that it raises above the knowledge of God, and take captive every though to the obedience of Christ." With such a topic in mind, my mind was alerted to the word "weapon." A weapon of divine power? Designed to demolish strongholds? It brought to mind a previous bible study that I had done, in which I was amazed to discover the meaning behind "demolish."

In the original translation written by Paul, he used the word "kathairesis," which is the combination of two words, "kata" which means "against, contrary to, opposed" and "haireomi, which means "to choose." With such knowledge at hand, demolish means "to choose against." Then as a whole, what does it mean? It means that that the weapon that Christ has placed in our hand is that we have been empowered to choose against the devises that Satan would place in our lives. We are NOT a helpless captive to them, but by this very powerful spiritual weapon containing divine power, can make them subject to the authority of Christ. Every argument, any lofty opinion, any thought that makes itself more powerful than God in our minds, can simply be made subject to Christ when we claim the God-given TRUTH over the lies and deceit that would bog us down.

"Oh, how I love your law! It is the meditation of my heart all the day." Ps. 119

She sat across the table from me, a living specimen of suffering and hardship. Life had done murder on her soul and heart, leaving her with nothing but a death-grip on the Savior. As I sat at her kitchen table, listening to her story, I couldn't help but wonder why I was placed in this home. What common ground did we have? She had known suffering in it's cruelest forms, what have I felt but a few self-inflicted hurts? She had had loved ones stripped from her, while my family is still intact. She had bourn the weight of addictions, while I've been spared that temptation. She had felt rejection and denial, while I have been embraced and loved. So, why was I here?

Maybe just to teach me something about life. She poured out her soul, unveiling some of the hidden wounds that had yet to be healed, the wounds inflicted by the daggers of her life's circumstances. I couldn't help but look at my life in perspective to her's. In my ignorance and folly, I thought that I had suffered in my life. I thought that I had known real pain. I thought that I had a reason to cover myself with sackcloth and ashes, and wear my struggles on my sleeve.

I am so foolish. For me to think that I have had a hard life, that I've seen some harsh times, is utter folly. What has it been? Only the emotional pain of having a few broken hearts. That's all. When I compare my life to her's, I realize the ignorance of my heart to what pain and suffering is. How shallow I am to think that because of my immature heart's "suffering," I have acquired great wisdom, that I feel that I have any reason to boast of my "struggles." When in truth, SHE has struggled. SHE has suffered. SHE had know pain.

Who am I to do anything, but stand here and admit to my denying self, that what I have felt has been petty and yes, self inflicted. I have not suffered. I have made myself a martyr, when there was no real fires, no real tortures, no real whipping posts, no real reason.

From this tired and wounded, yet still radiant women, I have learned something that I will never forget.

I have come to the conclusion that whenever I stay with Beth....things happen. And coincidentally, every incident has involved something locked, needing to be entered...but no key with which to make entering possible.

It was 9:55, and it takes 3 minutes to get from our house to the church, so we were doing good, since call-time was 10:00.  We went out to the car, and within Beth's volumous purse, the key was nowhere to be found. After several minutes of frantic searching, our eyes beheld a disheartening sight, putting an end to our frantic scramble. The desirable car keys, perched smugly within the cup-holder -- inside the car. So, two young women, both dressed femininely in skirts, begin searching the underside for a possible spare key, but with no luck. Next option was to ask the policeman down the street if he could help. Summoning up all our courage, we walked down to where he was, and with much reverence, asked if he could possibly help us. No again. Well, the keys are still in the car, and the owner has yet to be called, but it'll all get worked out!

But as we sat there like two hobo's (I was even completing the picture by sitting atop my guitar case!), the whole situation brought to mind the last time me and Beth stayed together. We had spent the day shopping, and had come back to our host-home, exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. The above scenario began to unfold before our eyes, only this time, the key to the HOUSE was in another vehicle, with another driver, at the zoo, on the other side of town. They say that women wear many different types of "hats" to depict the jobs they do...so Beth and I took off our "shopping" hats...and put on our black burglar beanies.  Borrowing a ladder from a very trusting neighbor, we propped it up against the house, and Beth shimmied up the wall to the second story window, perching herself on a two inch ledge above the front door. Thankfully, the window was unlocked, and after some minor trouble, the window was breached and the house was all ours.

Well, we'll just add these stories to the all the other ones created amidst the months of travelling. So, Beth...what's gonna happen next?

I sat on the brick ledge outside of our church in Ohio, and just soaked in the day. You hear the phrase "this is the day that the Lord has made" so many times, but it's not until a morning dawns such as this one that you fully appreciate the power behind it! I always considered Ohio to be bleak and colorless, but here in the southwestern region, all that preconceived ideas have gone out the window! I can only count a few days as gorgeous as today is! And so I sat there, taking it in, as I spent some time with the Lord.

It's Monday, and the beginning of the second to last week of my travel year! Dynamite Club started out rough yesterday, but after a lot of prayer and crying out for grace, our evening session with them went SO much better! I love my host family here, Dan and Diane. They are the sweetest people ever, and definitely rank extremely high on my "favorite host people" list. They are such teases, as I found out the other night when we were eating together at the Outback, when the young waiter, Calvin, was making a few passes at me, ending with asking for my number!! I think they thoroughly enjoyed watching me squirm as the guy came and sat NEXT TO ME in the booth we were sitting at! Anyway, fun stories for later!

"Let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and who is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

It's all about ending this year strong!

Even tho I travel with a "revival team," a team who's mission and purpose is to break up the unplowed and stale areas of our Christian lives, and to bring life and passion back into churches and individuals, it doesn't mean that I am an exception from needing that treatment myself. In fact, as you are repeatedly teaching the same lessons and principles, seeing the same reoccurring deadness in the Church as a whole, it's so easy to slip into that trap of apathy and complacency yourself...and to do it under the mistaken idea that you are still alive and breathing in the Spirit.

And that is EXACTLY where I am finding myself. It began so gradually that I can't even tell you when it began, all I know is that from the peak of the spiritual mountain, I am suddenly finding myself dragging through the mud at the base of that glorious pinnacle.

But, as promised, there is no temptation that comes to anyone, that God does not give a way of escape! And as I've realized where I'm at, admitted my failure, and asked for God's grace to drag me back up out of the pit of complacency...He had done that. Maybe it's the ten thousandths time He's had to do it for me, but as if there was never any past record of failure, is doing it as if it was merely the first time. That's mercy. Grace. Love.

In a nutshell, what am I learning? To strengthen at any cost the power of my witness. And to see that my witness, in what I say and do, is backed up with a heart parallelling that truth.

"But see that your manner of life is in accordance with the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind, striving side by side for the faith of the gospel."

The past few weeks have been so full of so much. So many different changes, so many different reactions, so many different eye-opening experiences, so many reality checks...so much love from my Saviour! Even when I'm not displaying love for Him, He's still pouring it out on me!

We just got back off of an unexpected week off, where we, as a team, were able to kick back, refocus, and get spiritually connected again. The mountians of east Tennessee was a remarkable place to stay for a few days! Hiking, relaxing, hot-tubbing, aaah...what a wonderful time!

On Wednesday, we went to Mountain Mission School...which is really a fancy name for what it really is. An orphanage. I didn't know that orphanages still exhisted! But there settles into the mountains, was a place that homed 250 kids, from infants to early twenties. While there, God showed me SO much about the blessings that I have, but also just the heart-breaking need that SO many children have! Some kids abandoned, some with only one parents, some abused, some not knowing who and where their parents are...ALL desperately in need of love! I would love to go back someday, and pour out God's love into all those little girls who came running up to me, a complete stranger, and hugged and held onto me and wouldn't let go!

Three more weeks, folks! I am so excited about going home to see my family, who I haven't seen since December, but am also so sad, as I see this wonderful year coming to a close! Wow, a whole summer without seeing these dear people who have been my entire life the past 9 months of my life? What'll I do?? But to see my family again! I can't wait!

It's difficult to not be mentally counting down until the last conference of the year, considering how rapidly it is approaching! My first year in Life Action, coming to it's close already. BUT, can't check out yet, since there is still much ministry and serving, as well as personal growth yet to be done!

This week, I had the tremendous blessing of taking a break from teaching clubs, and sitting through the services. I knew that the Lord would do a work in my life, but I had no idea the extent of what He would do! As our normal revivalist Trent was away for the week, a valuable friend of the ministry filled in for him, and the Lord knew that I needed to hear exactly what he had to say! Tuesday night's message was on "Healing the Harbored Hurts of the Heart." Going into the message I had considered myself pretty much hurt/bitterness-free, but the Lord proved me wrong, as throughout the message, my whole world pretty much blew up in my face, as God revealed hurt after hurt, bitterness upon bitterness that I have stored up in my heart towards many individuals in my life, in some way, shape, or form. It has been a hard process, but so refreshing, as God has enabled me to let the sweet rivers of forgiveness to wash over my hurting soul. Praise God!

Today, as well as for a little while on  Monday, I was blessed to be able to hang out with my brother and some of my goods friends from the Blue team! Christine and I buckled up this morning and with Google's directions in hand, hit the interstates to travel the 2 hour trek to where the Blue team was. Leaving the house at 7:50am, we arrived at 11:15am. If you're doing the math, then you have perhaps divulged that yes, we did take a few wrong turns along the way, but praise the Lord, we did arrive!! And what a blessing it was to me and Christine to hang out with them for the day!

But tomorrow it's off to Alabama, and the 7:00am call time will be upon me before I'm ready for it! Until my next update....

Seeing as how I will spend my actual birthday sitting in the bus as we travel from Virginia to North Carolina, I guess I'd better just do a pre-birthday post!

So, tomorrow I turn 20. Twenty? To those who have already reached and perhaps passed that age, the significance no longer seems prominent. But for me, it's definitely a milestone! It bodes for change. A whole new aroma comes with saying "I am twenty" instead of "I'm nineteen." Alas, so long, my beloved teenage years! They have been rich and full. I have come far in becoming who I am in these years suffixed be the small sylable "teen." Today they are the present. Tomorrow they are the past. Yet how have I, one who is supposed to be  woman, altho I fear I am trapped in a litttle girl's mindset, possibly be entering "early twenties?" What a crazy idea.

Maybe I'll go into denial. Or...maybe not! Hey, guys!! I'm gonna be T-W-E-N-T-Y!!! Whoohoo!!

I was tagged several weeks ago, and was just tagged again, so I guess that I should fullfill the obligation once and for all!

Six Wierd/Random Things About Me:

1) I eat cottage cheese and chicken together

2) My favorite place to hang out by myself is on top of the bus I travel in (a good place to tan, too!)

3) I have a mole on the bottom of my foot, altho my sister always says it's a freckle, but who gets freckles on their feet?

4) I LOVE big, clunky ear-rings!

5) My favorite patterns are polkadot, argyle, and plaid (especially when it comes to clothes!)

6) I lift weights

As a human, and especially as a girl...I seek satisfaction. That is the way that God created us. In His wisdom, He created us with that empty space within our hearts that seeks to be filled, but that only can be truly satisfied with Christ. It's been described as a cup. Each of us has a cup that needs to be filled, and so we walk around throughout our day, going from person to person, place to place, food to food asking for something to be placed into our cup. Some "things" will satisfy, but nothing will fill with an everlasting fulfillment, apart from what is found and filled up in our heavenly Father.

On one particular day this week, I was doing great. I was tight with the Lord, people seemed to like me, I felt happy with myself...and then, at the drop of an unforseen hat, everything changed, and I was suddenly strickingly aware of my empty cup, and how suddenly nobody seemed interested in filling it. I immediately had a major mood/attitude swing, started getting depressed, and oh, did I feel unloved and regected. I looked at the people around me, and by the grace of God, I identified the moment of crisis as "Empty-Cup-Needing-To-Be-Filled Syndrom" and so, trying to remain cheerful and keep a positive outlook but utterly failing, I seperated myself from them, and went to a room all by myself. Alright, I thought to myself, since being around people right now will cause me to want to go to them for affermation, I will go and spend time with God. But, I confess, I secluded myself more with the attitude of having a "righteous pout" all by myself and God, than to truly seek His satisfaction!

With a sigh, I sat on a couch, and pulled out the bible study book that us team girls are doing with our revivalist's wife, Andrea and which has had a powerful impact on all of our lives, not the least of which being my own life. "Ok, God, I feel unloved right now. Let's fill 'er up" was my thoughts as I opened to that day's chapter. And it was titled:

"Overcoming Feeling Unloved."

Ok, God. You've got my full and complete attention now!