May 21, 2007
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She sat across the table from me, a living specimen of suffering and hardship. Life had done murder on her soul and heart, leaving her with nothing but a death-grip on the Savior. As I sat at her kitchen table, listening to her story, I couldn't help but wonder why I was placed in this home. What common ground did we have? She had known suffering in it's cruelest forms, what have I felt but a few self-inflicted hurts? She had had loved ones stripped from her, while my family is still intact. She had bourn the weight of addictions, while I've been spared that temptation. She had felt rejection and denial, while I have been embraced and loved. So, why was I here?
Maybe just to teach me something about life. She poured out her soul, unveiling some of the hidden wounds that had yet to be healed, the wounds inflicted by the daggers of her life's circumstances. I couldn't help but look at my life in perspective to her's. In my ignorance and folly, I thought that I had suffered in my life. I thought that I had known real pain. I thought that I had a reason to cover myself with sackcloth and ashes, and wear my struggles on my sleeve.
I am so foolish. For me to think that I have had a hard life, that I've seen some harsh times, is utter folly. What has it been? Only the emotional pain of having a few broken hearts. That's all. When I compare my life to her's, I realize the ignorance of my heart to what pain and suffering is. How shallow I am to think that because of my immature heart's "suffering," I have acquired great wisdom, that I feel that I have any reason to boast of my "struggles." When in truth, SHE has struggled. SHE has suffered. SHE had know pain.
Who am I to do anything, but stand here and admit to my denying self, that what I have felt has been petty and yes, self inflicted. I have not suffered. I have made myself a martyr, when there was no real fires, no real tortures, no real whipping posts, no real reason.
From this tired and wounded, yet still radiant women, I have learned something that I will never forget.
Comments (8)
I think this is very insightful of you, and I do understand what you're saying, but I'd like to suggest that rather than being so hard on yourself, you thank God that He has spared you.....for now.....and ask that He prepare your heart for future struggles. This is a good time of learning what God has for you, and it's exciting to read that your heart is so teachable. You are young. Take it from one who is "old", the (real) tough times will come. I'm getting some perspective on this now, because in looking back over my life, I can now see how character building the tough times are. They remind me to keep my focus on the Lord. Because you are learning this lesson, you will know what to do when they come--go to the One Who loves you more than anyone else! He will carry them for you.
God bless you, little sister.
Wow...I have faced a similar situation in the past and gazed into a world that I did not really know existed (in an understanding way). You post was challenging for me to read as I am struggling with contentment vs. self inflicted martyrdom. Thank you for being honest and real, I was blessed because of it. (You sister makes some wonderful points btw. If someone is willing to learn and be thankful then they come away being very blessed by what they see in the pain and sorrows of others)
Yo girl! What's up? I haven't seen you for a while. When are you coming back? Anyways hope things are going well... wherever you are.
Adios Amigas
The Bobanator... or the bobster... or the Bobaroo... Or just Rob
What a good reminder! Thank you.
Caitlin <><
It was such fun hangin' out with you at the game on Sunday night! We MUST get together again soon!!!
How is your summer vacation going? Are you enjoying being home with your family?
I got home Saturday. I'm not sure if I'll be at frisbee this week. I'm going to Pirates 3 with my family. Hope all's well.
I am so glad! I bet your family is thrilled to have you home! Enjoy every minute!
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