It's with more of an air of exited retrospection than of unbridled exuberance, that I have as I make the transition from being eighteen...into nineteen. Yup, today's my birthday.  Yeah!!

I have loved being 18. It's been one of the best years of my life. Not because it was packed with adventure and excitement, but for it having been filled with quiet, happy, and meaningful moments. It was the year that I graduated in. The year I finally got my licence. According to my little girl reckonings, it was the year I was supposed to get married in, altho I gladly gave up that "goal" several years ago! I was also supposed to suddenly become all grown-up, mature, and sophisticated, too.  

No, it's not for what I did this past year that makes it so sad to say goodbye to it. But it's what God has done in me and around me. The quiet moments spent with the Lord. The victories that He has helped me to make in my life. The revelations and lessons He has taught me. The moments of standing on the mountain top after having come up from the valley, to put it in a geological metaphor. And then, learning how to stay on the mountain top, basking in the glow from the Son.

This year has held it's many failures and defeats, but more so I look back on the past months and see the domino effect of each thing that God has allowed to happen, and how it has brought me to be who I am now. A person who is still weak and fault-filled, but who God is molding and crafting into His image, making me into the creature He desires me to be, and fit for the ministry for which He has called me. Each day held a new lesson, no matter how small and invisible. Each day has played a part.

But now, a new year begins! What can it hold? There's an interesting thought! At the end of this one, what will I look back and remember? Here's another 365 days...just waiting to happen!

"That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;" ~ Colossians 1:10

"I, Kellie Ann, do give and bequeethe all my earthy proberty namly...."

Tonight, mom brought out her wooden box filled with the mementos, keepsakes, and the "little treasures" of all of us Trout kids from over the past decades. We found the little curls of hair from Seth's first haircut as a baby, our two-dollar bills my great-grandmother gave us, some old coins...and my "will," made August 12, 1997.  Seeing as how slightly outdated it is (teehee!), Mom let me open it. There I did "give and bequeethe" away all my earthly treasures from when I was 10 years old:

"To my father, I leave my glasses, my journall, and all my money"..."To my mother, my scrapbook, Ruth, and Jasper [my dolls I slept with]"...my "golery," my "coler pencils," my "pellow," my "coin colection"..."All my cloths and shouse go to the poor, enles Mom wants to keep them."

What a funny (and at times slightly embarrassing!) recollection! So those where my treasures nearly nine years ago! I can just barely remember writing it. I remember trying to sounds so old and grown up, and trying to make it extremely serious and utterly melancholy and sad, so that while reading it, everyone would realize what they had lost because of my death.  Ah, that's definitely a keeper!! 

But the other thing in the treasure box that makes me extremely curious...is the sealed letter written to myself around the same time (judging by the handwriting and spelling *gasp*), that says on the front: "To when I get maried." Wow, that'll make for an interesting read someday!!

Mom was reading the paper this evening, and she discovered a potential new job for me! In the ads, she read of a hot dog stand that is for sale. With rising excitement, we began to realize the great opportunity that has been dropped into my lap that will solve my job dilemma! I can buy the cart, and sell hot-dogs! Me, a hot-dog vendor! Wow, that's it. It's perfect for me. There's gotta be money in that industry for sure! I can just see it now, me walking up and down the streets of my little town, wearing a big white apron and pushing my cart, all the while hollering at the top of my voice:

"Hot dogs! Come and get 'em! Get 'em while they're hot! Hot dogs, hot dogs! "

Or then again....maybe not.

Is it just me, or does anybody feel like playing ultimate frisbee??

I never was really into the whole "imaginary friends" thing when I was younger. I'd try over and over again, since it seemed like such a neat idea. Due to my excruciating shyness while growing up, I had very few friends, and so the thought of having someone who was always there to listen and talk to was such a comfort. I'd create them, give them a name and personality, even draw them so that I could know what they looked like.  But when it came to actually pretending that they really existed, and I'd try to talk to them...I just gave up, 'cause it just wasn't "real." They didn't talk back. They didn't do stuff with me. I couldn't see them. What was the point??

Something the Lord has been showing me lately, is how often I begin to start thinking of Him as just some "imaginary friend." I'll try and talk to Him, try to "connect," I go to Him for help, but because I can't actually see Him or actually hear Him talk back, I begin to subconsciously doubt His existence. Yes, I know that He is there, I know that He is powerful, and I know that when I ask Him for help, He will help me. But yet I still find myself thinking of Him as "not real." I still try and talk to Him, but I feel like my words merely float out into empty space and never reach any listening ear.

But He IS more than just something of my imagination! He is real! What a revelation that simple truth has been for me over the past few weeks. He is not just my imagination, He is not even just some vapour floating through the air. He truly exists! And when I talk to Him, my words do find a listening ear, my pleas for help are really heard, and He truly has a presence. I am so thankful that I do not have to put my faith and my trust in something of my imagination, but in a God who is real.

I came home last night in a rare form of hunger. Normally, that would be easily remedied without much stress or effort. But this time, as I stared into the shelves of our refrigerator and pantry, my eyes did not fall upon any great bounty. Frankly, they were actually quite void of anything edible at all (at least, not anything I felt edible, as I am quite the selective eater).

Having seen with my own eyes the barrenness of our food supply, you would think that I would sadly give up on my quest for nourishment, and go find something productive to do in hopes of distracting me. But not I. The next half hour consisted of me walking repeatedly back and forth from refrigerator to pantry in hopes that somewhere along the way, some delectable morsel that had first escaped my notice, might suddenly catch my eye. As I began to weary of my circular coarse between our food supply, I was forced to concede that there would be no change today, no matter how long I watched and waited.

As I was lamenting my woes aloud to my mother in regards to the lack of any evolutionary occurrences in our refrigerator, she wisely commented to me:

"Well, any evolution that happens in our refrigerator normally doesn't turn into anything you'd want to eat."

What a conniving stinker!! This afternoon, Stuart called me over to where he was playing quietly in the bathroom sink filled with water. Innocently, I walked over to where he was to see what he needed. As I stopped behind him where he was crouching over the sink, he spun around suddenly with a 6 year old's cry of triumph...and my face was doused in a hard stream of cold water that came shooting out from the little froggy squirt toy he had been so sneakily hiding under the water in the sink. I was shocked almost to inaction!! Almost...but not quite!

As I erupted into a volcanic display of shock and surprise, he realized that his best and most effective plan was to make a rapid exodus before I had thoroughly regained my composure...which I agree was a wise plan, and one that he discharged quite willingly.

Here I was, innocent and oblivious, yet mistreated thus by my own brother! What is a mature young woman supposed to do?

As I listened to the sounds of his rapid footsteps heading to the other end of the house and the peals of his jubilantly triumphant laughter, I knew exactly what I had to do

With one goal and an evil snicker, I quickly filled up the little pink froggy squirt toy with a fresh dose of water, and shouting my own revengeful challenge across the the house, took off after my escaping assailant.

When the score had been settled, I informed Stuart that he had to clean up all the water on the floor.  

Hhhmm. It appears to me that my announcement about my sister's engagement has caused quite a bit of confusion amongst some! So for the benefit of those who have not had the privilege of meeting my family and are thus confused, allow me to introduce my brothers and sisters to you:

How many times a day do I check my e-mail? Haha, who knows!!  Every time, I sign into my account with eager anticipation in hopes that someone has written. A long newsy letter, possibly just a quick note to say hi. Or maybe a complete out-pouring of the heart from a close friend, or possibly someone asking for some advice for one of life's situations. Or maybe that message that one person promised me. Whatever it is, it completely makes my day to hear from a friend. Truly, checking my e-mail is a highlight of my day! I love communication!!

So does God. Imagine it. Throughout the day, He also keeps checking to see if anyone has sent a message to Him. He looks forward to it as the ultimate highlight of His day, hoping to hear from someone He loves.  Nothing makes Him more excited than to hear from His friends. And so, He keeps checking. But all too often, his inbox remains empty. Nobody has taken the time to sit down and write a long newsy letter just telling Him about their day. Not even a quick note just to touch base. Has anyone come in tears to pour out their burdened heart to Him? No. Not even to ask for some much-needed advice. With great sadness, He realizes that not even the people who promised have pulled through.  Nobody took the time. Nobody made the effort. We're all too busy.

Make ya think, huh? It's made me think. So many times I'm just too busy to spend time with God, to send Him the message that I promised Him I would. I'm just too busy. Too busy......checking my e-mail.

To all my travelling and out-of-state friends who might possibly have been wondering what all my screaming was about...that's the scream of a girl who just found out that her oldest sister is engaged.