So, when I started having breathing problems a couple weeks ago, I never thought it would actually turn into two doctor visits (the first two in my life!), x-rays, blood tests, and finally the diagnosis that I have pneumonia. How in the world I got pneumonia is still a mystery to me, but have it, I most certainly do! So, I'm pretty much am now just a weak little sickie, being forced to drown my body in antibiotics and inhalers, and sit around like an invalid and do nothing half the time. Relaxing is good, but it has it's time and a place, and unfortunately, it's not a frequent thing while travelling! I guess I just have to learn humility through this and let other people do my jobs for me!

Anyway, so anybody got any good books I should read??

I am here in Boone, North Carolina, thousands of miles from any In-n-Out Burger of my beloved home state. It never ceases to amaze me how NOBODY out here even knows what an "In-n-Out Burger" is, and I'm always trying to deliver these people from their pitiable state of ignorance.

I arrived here Friday night, and as I walked through one of the rooms in the church, a strange room filled with strange people, I came to quickly realize that I had walked into the middle of a group of men and women, all participating in the "Battle of the Sexes." As I'm walking into the room, I hear the question being read. Curious to hear it myself, I tune my ears in. The question: "What fast food restaurant used the term "animal style?" Blank stares on all the faces in the room. Before I even know what I was doing, I was jumping up and down, waving my hand in the air, and yelling "Oh, I know this one! I really do!" Wow, I guess my allegience to my state and favorite fast-food restaurant run a little hotter than I thought! Slightly embarrased at my own outburst, but still super excited about my knowledge, I gave the answer. Yes, I won THAT question for the women in the room!! Ha, they were lucky to have a born and bred California girl walk through that room at that moment!

"I wish they all could be California girls...."

Once again, the creature of "pride" is looming it's head up in my life. How can something so huge remain for so long hidden and unnoticed? Yet, here I am, being forced to realize the presence of this sin (since that is exactly what it is) inside of me, and the effects that it is having on my vertical, as well as horizontal relationships.

Frankly, pride is idolatry. Placing something else as higher and more important than God in my life. And this idolatry is being manifested in how I am being more concerned with how other people think of me, rather than what God thinks. 2 Tim. 2:15, the classic passage, tells of being approved unto God...and no others. Approved unto God, looking to Him as the ultimate say in who I am and how I'm doing. Yet, it's hard be satisfied with God's approval when you DON'T have the approval of those around you, but it's also hard to disregard the approval of others when you DO have it, and be concerned ONLY with God's approval.

I don't want my security to be found in people or things. As Life Action's founder put it so many years ago, insecurity is the result of putting my confidence and trust in people and things that can be taken away from me. If I'm looking to those sources for my sense of security, then I will soon find, and am even now finding, that there is no approval found through them. No true, honest approval. So, what things can NOT be taken from me? The only this is my relationship with Christ, found through the Living Word (Christ himself) and the Written Word (the Bible). So, if I want to achieve the "security" that we were created by God to desire, the only way of gaining that is to drop my care, and take off running for the Cross. Spending more time alone with Him, and spending more time delving into the mysteries of His Word.

Prov. 29:25 "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is secure."

In the words of my last post, one week down...and I don't even know how many more weeks yet to go in this just-begun travel year! The last few days have been such a whirlwind, yet mysteriously at the same time, I have found them peaceful. I'm learning to trust God about my life. I've probably said that so many times before, yet it's just as true right now as any other time I've said it. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself anything of a "control freak" but just like the next person, I do like to know what's going on. But frankly, the follower of Christ rarely really knows exactly what God is doing and where He's taking them! But I'm learning to let go of my "rights" to know my future, and just let God direct. He doesn't need my help, because He already knows the plans He has for me (Jer. 29:11) and just as I was reading the other day (Ps. 139),  He already had my every day scripted and laid out, long before Kellie Trout ever came into physical existence. It's hard to let go, especially when you have immediate desires for what YOU want in your future. 

But over the past few days, as I realized my desires and sought the Lord on what He wants, He has very lovingly placed His arms all around me, drawn me close to His heart, and gently breathed out the word...

"Wait."