October 21, 2005

• Front page article found in acclaimed paper The Trout Times:

  
  

  Yesterday, the afternoon of October the 19^th, editor and teacher, Kellie T., was bodily attacked by a lizard as she was exiting the premises of her job. Waiting for her ride to arrive, she was standing outside watching as her students brought the local pet lizards from out of their cages. With a horrified shriek, one girl lost her gentle grip upon her reptile, and it fell to the ground, where it lay stunned, but alert to it’s sudden opportunity at freedom.

  
  

  A frantic chase ensued, as all tried to spot the lizard before it disappeared. Amid the bedlam of screams and near hysteria, it was finally positively identified as it stopped to gain it’s bearings next to Kellie’s foot. It’s whereabouts where quickly and loudly made known, and she, relieved to have it caught safe, turned to walk away. Next thing she knew, the cry reached her that sent a chill of repulsion through her, "It’s on Kellie’s shoe!" Her attention immediately arrested, she looked down in horror as the drama unfolded. The lizard, realizing his present state, immediately acted upon the strategy "when you can’t go down...go up." As our heroine was wearing long pants, the escape attempt was visible for all to see as it scurried up almost waist-high. To protect the dignity of those involved, the remainder of the story will be left to the unfolding via educated guessing.

  
  

  Upon being interviewed after the traumatic event, our party was available for comment. "I just don’t understand," she said, "as to this sudden barrage of critters that have been recently besetting me!"

  
  

  So, as life returns to normal, and the incident quickly receeds into the hazy realm of memory, it brings to mind the age-old proverb, "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." Or maybe more appropriately for our tale:

  
  

  "The lizard on pants is worse than two in the bush!!"

  • 1:11 am
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